This will be the first of several drafts. Regardless of how strong of a writer you are in school, this is a different type of writing that will go through several steps and revisions before you have a strong and polished essay. Don't get attached to your content draft.
View each step as an opportunity to further develop and strengthen your essay. Each step is intentional and asks you to go deeper so your essay can showcase you in the best possible light!
Now that you have chosen a topic, it’s time to start writing! Don’t worry about perfection and word limits. Just get it all down on paper. Remember – the details will help you tell your story.
As you write, focus on both what happened and why it matters. Use your free writing from Step 4. Some people find that their free writing becomes the basis for the first draft, while others use that exercise as a jumping-off point. Still, others put it aside as a warm-up and approach the draft from a different direction. Do what makes the most sense to you.
In English class you learn to structure your essays in a very specific format: the 5-paragraph essay. In that format, each paragraph has a very specific role.
Personal Statements also have a different structure you can follow. Instead of being formatted by paragraphs however, they can be organized by sections that can take up as many (or as few) paragraphs as you want.
As you review all of your content, use this template to organize your content.
This outline is embedded in worksheet that you will use to write your draft.
Aim for 750 or 800 words. Content is most important, but at the same time, try not to double the word count.
This is not the type of draft you would turn in for a grade in English class. It is a content draft, and it should be full of details. Remember revision and polish happen in later steps.
The point of reading essay examples is NOT to copy ideas from them. It is however, helpful to analyze what techniques worked and how you might use similar techniques for your essay. There are tons of essay examples at this site: Johns Hopkins University Essays That Work (click to read additional examples)
Here is one written by Rachel. I have divided the sections to the structure outlined above.
Introduction
The first board game I ever played was Disney Princess Monopoly against my mother. It was a shocking experience. My otherwise loving and compassionate mother played to win.
Background +Challenge
Though she patiently explained her strategies throughout the game, she refused to show me any mercy, accumulating one monopoly after another, building house after house, hotel after hotel, and collecting all my money until I was bankrupt, despite my pleas and tears that I was her daughter and only five years old. I remember clearly the pain I felt from losing, but I remained eager to play and determined to one day beat her. Eventually, we left the princesses behind and graduated to the regular, then the deluxe, editions of Monopoly, and expanded to Rummikub.
Overcoming the Challenge
Every time we played, I carefully observed my mother’s moves and habits while considering my own options. Over the years, she continued to beat me in both games, but the contests became more competitive and my losses more narrow. Finally, at twelve, I won for the first time, at Rummikub no less, a game at which she claimed to be undefeated! I felt an overwhelming sense of pride, which was only magnified when I saw the same emotion in my mother’s face.
Lessons Learned
I learned so much from these games beyond the obvious. I learned how to lose, and win, graciously. I learned to enjoy the process, regardless of the outcome. I learned how to take cues from other people but think on my own, both creatively and strategically. I learned how to cope with failure and turn it into a lesson. I learned that true victory stems from hard work and persistence. And I learned that the strongest and most meaningful relationships are not based on indulgence but on honesty and respect.
Applied Lessons to Other Areas
This doesn’t mean that losses don’t sting. I was devastated when my hockey team lost the championship game by only one goal when I was the last one to control the puck. But I was still incredibly proud of my team’s cohesiveness, the fluid effort we put into the season, and my own contribution. More importantly, the camaraderie and support of my teammates is ongoing and something I will always cherish more than a win. I didn’t dwell over what could have been. Instead, I focused on what I was going to take with me into the next season.
This past summer, I had my first substantive work experience interning at the Michael J. Fox Foundation for Parkinson’s Research, researching and writing about treatments and therapies. Working there was certainly not a game, but my strategy was the same: work hard, remain focused, be mindful and respectful of those around me, deal with the inevitable curveballs, and take constructive criticism to heart, all in pursuit of a meaningful goal. At first, I found it intimidating, but I quickly found my footing. I worked hard, knowing that what I took away from the experience would be measured by what I put into it. I studied my co-workers: how they conducted themselves, how they interacted with each other, and how they approached their respective jobs. I carefully reviewed redlines on my writing assignments, tried not to get discouraged, and responded to the comments to present the material more effectively. I absorbed the stories relayed by Parkinson’s patients regarding their struggles and was amazed at how empowered they felt by their participation in clinical trials. Through them, I discovered what it really means to fight to win. I have also come to understand that sometimes a game never ends but transforms, causing goals to shift that may require an adjustment in strategy.
Conclusion
My mother and I still regularly play games, and we play to win. However, the match is now more balanced and I’ve noticed my mother paying much more attention to my moves and habits and even learning a few things from me.
Rachel did a good job of setting the scene and uses clear examples. She use descriptive language, but not adult, to help "paint the picture" of her story. The reader can visualize the game board and feel the emotion of losing the game by the imagery Rachel used.Something else that worked is that Rachel used analogies to connect her internship work to the strategies she developed when playing games.
This is an essay written by Kashvi G., a student admitted to John Hopkins Unversity this past season.
INTRO/HOOK
Nothing about true love comes easy. Loving comes with hard work, responsibility and compromise. In my case, it came with four legs, PTSD, separation anxiety and in need of constant attention.
BACKGROUND CONTEXT & CHALLENGE
Rock came to us when he was 10 years old, retired from the Bangalore police force and in need of a loving home for his last few years. I’d been asking my parents if we could adopt a dog for years. I still wonder what made them say ‘yes’ to Rock. Suffering from amebiasis and severely malnourished, he had been at the dog shelter for a while, and was on the verge of giving up.
I wasn’t ready to parent a senior dog. As the youngest in the family, I was the one who was always looked after. Once Rock came along, I was suddenly completely responsible for someone else’s life. Roles like being a school student council member taught me responsibility, but not to care for someone else. I realized the stark difference between acknowledging responsibility and actually taking it on.
OVERCOMING THE CHALLENGE
It was the small things like recognizing the difference between barks for food or barks to be taken out. It was the bigger things like feeding him 10 pills a day, bladder issues that meant he needed four walks a day and acute PTSD and separation anxiety. Rock was a whole lot of work and needed a whole lot of love.
LESSONS LEARNED
I thought I knew how to multitask with my varied extracurriculars, but here I was learning a whole new meaning to the word. I thought I had effective communication skills from my time volunteering at a dog shelter, and here I was trying to create a whole new lexicon for what each of Rock’s barks meant.
And yet, nothing has come easier to me than my love for Rock. Awkward, unsure of how to express love, and constantly hungry, he and I mirror each other in more ways than one. As a child, I would make my older sister follow me around the house, just to make sure I had her attention. Ten years later, my dog does the same to me.
Anxious and traumatized, he needs me as his therapy human as much as I need him for moral support and inspiration. And, an inspiration he is. Arthritic, limping, and uprooted from his life of ten years, Rock remains the biggest source of joy in our lives. As tough as it was for us to adjust to having him, it was a million times harder for him. But, somehow, he’s managed to find his joy with us, too. Whether I leave the room for ten minutes or 3 days, he’s always ecstatic when I return. All he needs is for me to show up. There are even times when he wags his tail in his sleep. Our relationship helps us both – he teaches me to be happy and I make sure I always show up for him.
APPLYING LESSONS LEARNED
I recently visited the Exploratorium in San Francisco and observed what is known as a mutualistic relationship between Randall’s pistol shrimp and prawn goby. The shrimp always has at least one antenna touching the fish at all times – their symbiosis depends on it. Rock and I are always in the same room, always within a foot of each other.
In his essay collection, ‘The Anthropocene Reviewed’, John Green says, “the Canada goose is hard to love. But then again, so are most of us.”
CONCLUSION
Rocky has taught me that I’m, surprisingly, pretty good at the tough parts of love. That I can be responsible, caring and overflowing with good feelings all at once. Maybe it’s just that the love that seems the hardest, that teaches us the most, is the one we treasure most. And for this, and for Rock, I am forever grateful.
Kashvi’s essay encapsulates a heartfelt journey of self-discovery and the invaluable teachings of Rock, their 10-year-old dog. Through the lens of their companionship, Kashvi walked us through valuable lessons on responsibility, friendship, patience, and unconditional love. Their bond epitomizes genuine friendship, built on trust and a mutualistic relationship where they learned from each other. Through Kashvi’s reflections on Rock’s impact, we get a profound understanding of their values and personal growth. This essay provides insight into their genuine emotions, allowing us to truly connect with Kashvi as an individual.
Briefly look back over the essay. Which sections are the longest? Notice that it's the Lessons Learned and Lessons Applied to Other Areas, and NOT the actual event/story. Most students dedicate more space to telling what happened, but the lessons are the most important part of the essay! Try to be mindful of this as you write your first draft. Do not stress if your first draft doesn't have quite as much content as Rachel's in these areas - we will get there! Just put your best effort forward to organize your ideas and content.
Next Steps: Go to the Essay Folder and open Step 5-2 to organize and write your draft.
When finished, check the “Done” assignment box in CounselMore and wait for feedback.