Reframing your writing from a new starting point can be very beneficial! I’ve identified 3 potential new openings for your essay using content from your essay. Please write 3 NEW possible opening PARAGRAPHS. Create a clear image for the reader with lots of detail. DON'T TELL ME WHAT YOU WOULD WRITE (ie., I would write about how my brother and I walked to the grocery store every Saturday morning.), instead ACTUALLY WRITE A NEW BEGINNING.
First Draft: My brother and I walk to the market. The owner said "Hi" when we walked in. We walked through the store collecting items from the grocery list my mom had provided before she went to work that morning. As we went through the store, we carefully compared prices to get the best deal. If we had left over money, then we would be able to by a dessest as a special treat.
Revised Draft with Colorful Details: Ding, Ding! The bell rang as my brother and I enter our colorful local corner market. The air was stuffy in the shop and the owner greeted us with a warm, welcoming smile. As two 14-year-olds, this is our weekly ritual and our job if we want the next week. The creaky wooden floor tracked our path as we wandered through the narrow aisles, collected items, and checked off the tattered paper note our mother frantically scribbled on before she rushed out of the house at 4 a.m. to her second job at a hotel 2 hours from home. I grasped a 5-pound bag of russet potatoes as my brother and I debated which was a better price - a bag of potatoes or individual potatoes, and exactly how many we needed. We carefully compared prices and looked for the best possible deal; any remaining change could be used to buy a dessert. With diligence and a little luck, we might be able to afford our favorite treat, a delicious mango cake, but this was rarely the case.
See how the second version has more detail? The first version is telling what happened, the second is more like a story. The reader can picture themselves in the store with all the descriptive details. Try to incorporate the story-mode as you apprach this next section.
Next Steps: Go to your Essay Folder in CounselMore and open Google doc “Step 6-2: New Openings.” When finished, check the “Done” assignment box in CounselMore and wait for feedback.