Continue using the same structure to organize your new draft:
Important: Don’t just tell a story. Admissions officers care most about what you learned and how you’ve grown. Make sure sections 4 & 5 are well developed.
Start fresh in a new document and write it from beginning to end - don’t copy and paste. You’re not starting from scratch; you can keep your first draft nearby for ideas. But retyping the essay helps you see it in a new way and make real changes.
Use what works, cut what doesn’t, and add stronger details. Try new opening lines - you might already have a great one hidden later in your draft. Make sure your ending is strong, too. Keep your focus on What is the story? How did I feel? How did it change me?
Look at Steps 6-1 and 6-2 for new material to include. Re-read Kris' feedback for Steps 5 and 6. Aim to stay close to the word count, but don’t worry if you go slightly over.
Use the structure sections to help you format your content.
Think about your Common App Essay as a Movie Preview.
If a movie trailer displayed text on a black screen saying, "This film is exciting, the main character is brave, and it has a great plot," would you buy a ticket? Probably not. You want to see the explosions, the chase scenes, and the emotion on the actor’s face. You want to experience it for yourself.
Admissions officers read thousands of essays every single week. When you use a "telling" approach like above, you give them a list of facts they could easily find on your resume. You become a list of data points.
But when you use a "showing" approach, you hand them a camera. Imagine, you invite them into your garage. They get to see you struggle, watch you persist, and celebrate your wins right alongside you. Showing makes your essay uniquely yours because while fifty other applicants might say they are "hardworking," "passionate," and "persistant," no one else has your specific story that includes your dust-covered, grease-stained experience.
Don't just tell them who you are. Let them see it for themselves.
Examples of Telling vs Showing
Example 1: A student introducing their passion for repairing old electronics and how it taught them problem-solving.
The "Telling" Version
"I have always loved fixing broken electronics because I am a very curious person. From a young age, I was fascinated by how things worked, so I spent a lot of time in my parents' garage tinkering with old radios and broken cell phones that neighbors gave me. Whenever I fixed something, I felt incredibly proud of my problem-solving skills. This hobby taught me that I want to study engineering in college because I know I have the resilience needed to face difficult academic challenges."
The "Showing" Version
"My hands were covered in a fine layer of gray dust, and the scent of heated solder filled the corner of our garage. Before me lay a dismantled 1982 Panasonic cassette player, its plastic gears scattered across a grease-stained workbench like a puzzle waiting to be solved. For three days, the stubborn mechanism had refused to turn, testing a patience my parents insisted I didn't possess. But as I finally nudged the tiny copper spring into alignment and pressed Play, the low, rhythmic hum of the motor signaled a small victory—not just for the tape player, but for my growing conviction that no broken system is truly beyond repair."
Example #2: A student discussing how learning to cook traditional family recipes helped them connect with their heritage and develop leadership skills.
The "Telling" Version
"I am very proud of my heritage, but for a long time, I did not really know how to cook our traditional food. That changed last summer when my grandmother started teaching me how to make her famous tamales from scratch. I realized that cooking takes a lot of hard work, organization, and patience. Preparing these meals made me feel much closer to my family’s roots, and it also helped me become a leader because I eventually had to manage the kitchen when we made large dinners for our entire extended family."
The "Showing" Version
"Steam billowed from the giant aluminum stockpot, carrying the sharp, comforting scent of roasted chiles and garlic across my grandmother’s kitchen. I stood at the counter with a wooden spoon in hand, my forearms aching from an hour of beating lard into masa dough until it passed Abuela’s strict 'floating test.' Surrounding me were three generations of aunts and cousins, each waiting for my signal to begin the assembly line of soaking corn husks and spreading dough. In that loud, chaotic kitchen, responsible for feeding thirty people, I wasn't just following a recipe; I was anchoring myself to a history I used to only watch from the sidelines."
Go to the Essay Folder and open Step 7-2: 2nd Draft and write your new essay using the "showing" approach.
Check "Done" box in CounselMore and wait for my feedback.